Saturday, July 09, 2011

It’s Funny How Life Works Sometimes

One would think that leaving a job that was harmful (literally) and starting a new job with a respected company would alleviate a lot of stress.  Yeah…not so much.  Since I’ve started my new job my stress level overall has dropped but I have these different stresses that are driving me crazy.  For one thing, I have no idea where I’m going to fit in to this new company.  It’s a great company and so far has been an amazing place to work but there’s still some nagging in me that will not let me relax and enjoy what could be a lifelong career.  I guess it is that potential lifelong career thing that kind of scares the bejeezus out of me.  Then you get the standard daily annoyances – people who can’t listen or follow directions, the searing summer heat, the kids being out of school for the summer, the scorching summer heat, dealing with the neighborhood kids, and did I mention the heat?  On top of all of that, I feel like time is completely slipping away from me, that I never have enough time to get done what I need/want to get done.  I’m working a later shift and thus am getting to bed later, which makes getting up in the morning that much harder.  As a consequence of that, if I’m not up, walked, showered, and dressed by nine o’clock then I feel like I’ve wasted a good chunk of my day (especially on my days off).  Practically everything irritates me and I haven’t been able to do the one thing that I seem to enjoy the most (writing for my blog) very much at all lately.  Despite the fact that I walk (power walking generally) 1.5 to 2.2 miles every day (depending on which route I take) and have started going on a short jog and practicing meditation (albeit not long enough) before bed each night I still feel like I have no release.  There’s all this pent up frustration, rage, energy, and anger that I just can’t seem to get rid of, plus I’ve now got this really weird new symptom that I’m pretty sure is related to my blood pressure issues (sometimes when I walk or move there’s this sensation of a throb or shudder that flows through my body that generally starts at my head).  At this point I’m truly at a loss and looking for guidance. 

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