As I mentioned recently I have started at a new job with an amazing company. Today while sitting in training a sense of dread started to creep over me. Not the kind of dread that filled my entire being that I experenced at my last job. It was more of a realization that this could become the company that I someday retire from. That's a good thing, right? It really is and I feel extremely lucky to have been afforded this opportunity, but at the same time I have a sinking feeling that I may never finish college or become a teacher. This new job really could be something long-term, a real career, but I'm not sure if I'm ready for that yet. Granted I'm 36 and should have this all wrapped up a long time ago, but as Buffy Summers onces said, I don't think I'm done baking. Sure the schedules at my new job will give me the chance to go to school, but due to the mandatory overtime that is going on right now, I'm most likely not going to be able to go to school this fall. That makes me sad. I'm 29 hours away from a BA in journalism and I was looking forward to getting back to school and finishing up. Now that's probably not going to happen. Sure I'll probably be able to go in the spring, but by then I'll be another year older and it just seems like time is starting to slip away from me. Of course I could just be homesick. Being away in a different state from my family is harder than I thought it would be. I miss my wife and kids.
So I'm probably just worrying to worry. There's also the fact that I realized today that it's going to be a lot harder to be the "voice of reasoned discontent" for a company that is actually run well and takes care of its people. I'm so used to being the disgruntled employee that I'm not really sure what to do with myself. I shouldn't complain and I'm not really complaining because I do feel very, very fortunate but I also feel like things are really starting to change and I'm just use about how it's all going to work itself out in the end.